I find it's really difficult to be an introvert. Yes, I could be happy spending most times at home or with my family. However, there are times that I need someone outside of my family to talk to. I like to be social, or maybe it's that I like the IDEA of being social. Perhaps that is what it is. My husband usually laughs at me because I want to go somewhere and do something, but then I'm a wallflower when I'm not chatting with him. I've had friends. I've even taken the chance and opened up recently to friends thinking that's what I needed to do to have a deeper friendship. Why is it then that my friendships to be superficial?
Take for instance recently. My husband has been gone a lot for work and for his hobby of sports officiating. As a homeschooling mother of 3, I declared that it's MY turn for a weekend away, without him, without the kids. However, what fun is a retreat by myself? I'd like to go and have a girls' weekend, but I wouldn't have a clue what friend I have that is close enough to ask to go with me. I've hinted at a few people, thinking perhaps one would jump at the chance to get away. That's not the case, and I should have known. They have their own friends.
Why is it that extroverts want to downplay the feelings that I have of loneliness when obviously they have friends to go to when they're in need? It's times like this I think I should just quit everything - homeschool groups, church,, but then I always put my positive twist on it that I can't make friends if I don't continue to try. This internal struggle is for the birds - and also makes me feel like I'm going crazy! I guess for now I'll have to keep chuggin' on - perhaps cutting back on my interaction with others as to not get myself excited that I might have a friend.
