I'm an introvert, but I still need friends.

I find it's really difficult to be an introvert.  Yes, I could be happy spending most times at home or with my family.  However, there are times that I need someone outside of my family to talk to.  I like to be social, or maybe it's that I like the IDEA of being social.  Perhaps that is what it is.  My husband usually laughs at me because I want to go somewhere and do something, but then I'm a wallflower when I'm not chatting with him.  I've had friends.  I've even taken the chance and opened up recently to friends thinking that's what I needed to do to have a deeper friendship.  Why is it then that my friendships to be superficial?

Take for instance recently.  My husband has been gone a lot for work and for his hobby of sports officiating.  As a homeschooling mother of 3, I declared that it's MY turn for a weekend away, without him, without the kids.  However, what fun is a retreat by myself?  I'd like to go and have a girls' weekend, but I wouldn't have a clue what friend I have that is close enough to ask to go with me.  I've hinted at a few people, thinking perhaps one would jump at the chance to get away.  That's not the case, and I should have known.  They have their own friends.

Why is it that extroverts want to downplay the feelings that I have of loneliness when obviously they have friends to go to when they're in need?  It's times like this I think I should just quit everything - homeschool groups, church,, but then I always put my positive twist on it that I can't make friends if I don't continue to try.  This internal struggle is for the birds - and also makes me feel like I'm going crazy!  I guess for now I'll have to keep chuggin' on - perhaps cutting back on my interaction with others as to not get myself excited that I might have a friend.

I'm not trying to have my own pity party

I know when my husband reads this, he'll tell me I'm just having my own pity party and who cares if I have any close friends or not.  The purpose of me wrting this blog is not to have my own pity party.  Quite frankly, if any of my acquaintances started to try to get closer in the near future, I'd be suspicious that they had read this and were feeling sorry for me.  That's NOT what I want. 

My husband, Charles, says he read somewhere that everyone has a "relationship quota".  This means that once a person has met their "quota", they don't really need any other relationships; therefore, they probably aren't going to work on nurturing any new relationships.  My hope here is that there is not really a "relationship quota" and that people would want to continually add to their circle of friends.  If I'm feeling this way, then I'm fairly certain there are many others who are in my same boat, wishing they had some close friends, or at least one!

I cried myself to sleep last night wondering if I should really keep plugging along, feeling like an outcast or a third (any number would fit here!) wheel, or if I should just withdraw completely.  Neither option really seems to change the situation.    If I didn't have children, it would be quite easy to just withdraw.  However, I DO have children, and I would never want to put myself before them and keep them locked inside my house just so I could withdraw.  This is quite a conundrum for me. 

How DO I change the situation?  I've read several things online about making friends, etc.  I've tried opening up more, I've tried asking people to go out, do things.  Going back to my school days, I moved several times which made it difficult for this shy girl to make close friends and keep them despite the miles between us.  Throughout high school, even, I didn't have a best friend.  I thought maybe in college I'd perhaps have more luck, but once again, I felt myself being alone most of the time.  If this is how my life is supposed to be, then why is it so difficult for me to be happy with it this way?

Today I ask you to try something.  If you have your core group of friends that you're comfortable with, try reaching outside the box.  Invite that quiet person you know out to dinner, coffee, or ice cream.  He/she may just open up and be someone you never knew was there!

Introduction

My name is Jennifer, and I started this blog as a way to put my feelings into words, to help myself, and to maybe help others that are out there lonely.  If you're a person that has a BFF or several besties, maybe you never realized what it's like to have several acquaintances or somewhat distant "friends" but never any close friends.  It's somewhat like being a Jack of all trades but never a master of one, and there are many times I wonder what my purpose is here on Earth. 

While my husband is a great friend, it's not the same as having someone to text or call just for a quick "cheer me up" or "let me vent".  I'd love to have a friend stop over out of the blue (and I don't have to worry about the house being super clean) just to chat and to have that option of stopping over to her house anytime too.

Whenever I start to get down about not having a best friend, I start to wonder what's wrong with me.  I mean, plenty of people tell me how sweet I am or comment about nice things I do, so what's so wrong with me?  It's very tempting to just pull myself out of everything instead of trying to get involved with everything, just to put myself out of the misery.  Why not just hide out inside my house with my kids and hubby and be happy?  The only problem is, I'd be miserable this way too!  I need social interaction with others!

Tonight, when I started to think about my situation, I decided, maybe I should blog about it.  Maybe there's someone out there who could offer some help, or maybe there are others who are going through the same thing whom I could help.  I really don't know where this could go, but I'm giving it a go.  Whenever something prompts me to get on here and write, I'll do just that, and we'll go from there.  If you've made it this far with me, welcome to my journey!  Thanks for joining me.

Jennifer